That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul. You know when it’s time to go.

I am lucky enough to be a leader in a community of several thousand called Women in Youth Ministry. There’s always conversation happening in our digital spaces, and while every woman’s context and struggles are different, there are a handful of conversations that are perennial: Easter outfits, volunteer recruitment strategy, being underpaid, undervalued, overlooked, and, 

When do I know its time to leave? 

The stories are different but they follow a pattern: leaders who felt the call, who love the kids and teenagers they serve, and who may even love parts of their job, but the crush of unrealistic expectations, unfair work conditions, burnout, and mistreatment from parents, pastors, and others has them wondering how long they can really stick it out. 

So they come to the online group, usually posting anonymously, and ask, broken-hearted, how they will know when they need to leave And almost every time, the consensus of the feedback of the group is, if you’re asking that question, you probably already know. I know a lot of church leaders who stayed in jobs burnt out, at the end of their rope, and resentful. I know none who walk around regretting that they didn’t just stick it out even longer. 

We’ve spent the last few weeks talking about burnout (sort of) and the ways that pastoral leadership can become unhealthy for leaders and the institutions they serve. How it’s rarely exclusively the fault of the pastor, or the sign of an irredeemable church. We’ve been talking about the aftermath of the unfortunate ways that churches can manifest dysfunction, and how that dysfunction can make leaders vulnerable to a unique level of despair. When we pair our sense of value, identity, and faith to our careers, and then our careers crash out, the results can be devastating. 

We’ve been talking about how sacrifice is part of the call, but there are certain things (our sense of well-being, our values, our families, our faiths) that our good and loving God would not call us to sacrifice. When we work at places that burn us up, erode our joy, make us resent the very Church God called us to love and serve, I wonder if a ram doesn’t appear, caught in the bushes, if God doesn’t call out from on high, and tell us to put down the knife – that this is thing we cannot sacrifice. 

We’ll wrap up our series with this question – when do you know its time to leave? 

What is normal struggle, a stressful season, a gap that you can work through with stronger support systems and self care, and what is an indication that you are no longer in a place you can serve well? Part of the reason that this question comes up so much in the digital communities I am in is because Christian leaders are often taught to sublimate their own ambition, to put aside their preferences, to think collectively. These are valuable skills for leaders, but it can make it hard for them to then pick back up their own intuitive sense of what is best for them with confidence.

Here are some other indicators you may want to consider:

Physical:

• How does your body feel when you think about work? 
• Have you been experiencing an increase in stress-related physical symptoms like headaches, brain fog, stomach issues, trouble sleeping, or sleeping excessively?

Relational:

• What do your closest loved ones think about your job (honestly)?
• Has you ability to connect with loved ones been consistently impaired by the emotional and mental toll of work?

Spiritual:

• Is your working bringing you in closer relationship with God?
• Does your soul feel at peace when it comes to your work? 

All of the answers that emerge here are just information. In the end, you are the only one who can determine when or if you need to make a change. Deciding to stay and deciding to go both take great courage and can be signs of deep faithfulness to God and to God’s call on your life. 

But I do want to take a minute and return to where we started this series. A conversation I had with a friend where I told them, 

“You know it doesn’t have to feel like this…[it] doesn’t have to cost you so much.”

It’s ok if it’s time to go. That doesn’t mean all the work, all the love, all of the self that you poured into a place was wasted. In Christ, all of those things take on an eternal significance, and they are all part of participation in the ushering of the Kingdom of God. Holy Week is a place of deep reflection – where celebration, community, betrayal, devastation, death, and resurrection all exist within a few breaths of one another, and Christ is with us in all of it. Allow the wonder, the sadness, and the redemption of this week to wash over you, and allow our great and merciful God to lead you towards new life, whatever that looks like for you.